Update

So I posted a sad tale last week – and have posted nothing since. I have heard from some asking if everything is okay. Yes it is.

Remember how I said I don’t like to be busy? Well, being busy puts me at a disadvantage. And I remain too busy for my liking. I am not able to keep up with myself – doing the things I usually to do to care for myself – my brain, my body, my relationships. I spend too much time on the computer, I don’t get enough sleep, and I am too hurried to connect and relate to the people around me in the right way (read = children). So the consequences are that I don’t make the best decisions in parenting, in marriage, and in friendships. I re-act instead of ACTING with purpose and I always make mistakes in that situation. My emotions get the best of me and that is rarely productive. <sigh>

That is what happened last week. It had been happening for a week at that point – so I was really down and out!! :) But it is in the down times that I learn the most I think.

So I am recharging myself by making sure I care for myself. Slower. More intentional. Not bottling my emotions but processing them and dealing with them correctly. Calling on my accountability partners. Making sure I take a shower in the morning – boy that makes such a difference in my attitude!! Trying (largely unsuccessfully) to get to bed earlier – oh what I would give for a 10pm bedtime! And mostly, refusing to give into the voices in my head that tell me I cannot keep up, that it is hopeless, that it is all too much. Shame is not a healthy emotion and it gets me nowhere.

So that is where I am. Working my life, one day at a time. Speaking kindly to myself. Rejecting the voices that are not kind…they aren’t truth at all. And that is what I am seeking most of all. TRUTH. No elephants in the room. No denial. Who am I – REALLY? What is God calling me to in THIS moment? What does HE see when he looks at me? What is the Truth that I am living by? What lies do I believe that I am allowing to control me? This book is a great summary of what I have been learning… I have not finished it yet – but it is amazing so far.

So, in all that? Life is good.

More happy posts to come – I promise! :)

 

Jennifer